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You were reared to be socially acceptable. You think of yourself as a fairly nice person. Yet you find that so many of the nicethings you do leave you feeling burned out, bottled up, unsatisfied, and unappreciated.
Robinson nails ninesuch mistakes we nice people make every day. Look at the book's Contents page that lists them, and see if it doesn't make you feel like you're looking in a mirror!
This book will show youhow to correct these mistakes and behave in ways that will help you avoid stress, frustration andembarrassment. You quite quickly will learn how to:
-- Let go of your need to be perfect and to pleaseeveryone all the time.
-- Say "no" to requests for your energy and time, and feel wonderful doing so.
-- Tell others directly what you want from them, and actually receive it.
-- Express anger without blowing up and losing your valuedrelationships
-- Disarm those who wrongly or irrationally criticize or attack you.
-- Be both honest with, and gracious toward, those who fail or disappoint you.
-- Cease giving advice to others and feel good simply giving them information.
-- Be genuinely helpful to addicted loved ones, rather than try to rescue them.
-- Stop attempting to protect those in grief and begin supporting them.
This remarkable book will empoweryou to make these changes and liberate you for a richer more enjoyable life ... and you still will be anice person!
- Sales Rank: #400281 in Books
- Color: White
- Published on: 2000-11-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .75" w x 5.25" l, .62 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
"I hope many people will read thisbook and benefit from its honesty, eloquence and wisdom."
Rabbi Harold S. Kushner,author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and HowGood do We Have to Be?"
"A 'how-to' book that breaks new ground...and shares unexpected new approaches that can open doors to more creative living."
Robert McAfee Brown, author, former professor of religion, Stanford University, and professor emeritus, Pacific School of Religion, Berkeley, CA
"Robinson's nine chapters turn the qualities of niceness inside out:'trying to be perfect,' 'taking on too much,' 'not saying what youwant,' ' suppressing anger,''reasoning with irrationality,' 'tellinglittle lies,' 'giving advice,' 'rescuing others,' and 'protecting thosein grief. Sound familiar? He says he can help you get over it withoutbecoming angry."
The Dallas MorningNewspapers
From the Inside Flap
HIGH PRAISE
for
TOO NICEFOR YOUR OWN GOOD:
Howto Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes
"I hope many people will read this book and benefit from its honesty, eloquence and wisdom."
Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and How Good do We Have to Be?"
"Highly readable, insightful, and compassionate...Duke Robinson extracts powerful, eminently practical lessons for everyday living from sound psychological principles."
Martin V. Covington, professor of psychology. University of California at Berkeley
"His eloquent message is addressed to all who are striving to live good lives...an upbeat and honest message."
The Library Journal
"Profound, provocative, and practical...A thoughtful and deeply felt gift to all of us who get caught between the goodness of our hearts and our own naivete."
Shirley Nice,The Corporate Coach
"Do-gooders: Here's why you burnout...In this book, Robinson shows how too much of a good thing can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion."
New Orleans Times-Picayune
"The wit and wisdom of Duke Robinson is about to become national knowledge. And he does more than simply analyze the mistakes we all make as nice persons. Attention to this very readable and practical book can make a good difference in the way we live."
Paul H. Gertmenian, CEO, Henry Gertmenian Co.
"The mistakes described in this book are like the common cold...Duke Robinson has done a masterful job defeating these emotional viruses...Reading this book and taking it seriously could save hundreds of hours in therapy, and it's a lot more fun."
Dr. Robert R. Ball,executive director, the State of California's Self-Esteem Task Force, and author of Walking on Water
"A 'how-to' book that breaks new ground...and shares unexpected new approaches that can open doors to more creative living."
Robert McAfee Brown, author, professor emeritus, Pacific School of Religion, Berkeley, CA
"Robinson's nine chapters turn the qualities of niceness inside out: 'trying to be perfect,' 'taking on too much,' 'not saying what you want,' ' suppressing anger,''reasoning with irrationality,' 'telling little lies,' 'giving advice,' 'rescuing others,' and 'protecting those in grief. Sound familiar? He says he can help you get over it without becoming an ogre."
The Dallas Morning Newspapers
"I wish this book had come along earlier in my career...These practical steps toward authenticity help us put our lives in order and feel good about it."
Darrell Floyd, retired human resources manager,
Nissan Motor Corporation, USA
"An unsentimental blueprint for complete living as well as aprovocation to the highest humanity in all of us."
Leroy Aarons, founder and board member,
National Gay & Lesbian Journalists Association, author of Prayers for Bobby
"A superb book...transforming...In clear and simple language, Dr.Robinson shows how being 'nice' often means living by a tyranny of expectations."
Stanley F. Hogle,
Former executive director, Houston's Interface-Samaritan Counseling Centers
"Duke Robinson's book on 'mistakes made by nice people' is a big hit. He shows so clearly how niceness keeps us from growing and dealing honestly with one another."
Presbyterian Outlook
About the Author
In November 2000, Time Warner published this paperback version of Duke Robinson's award-winning book, TOO NICE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes. It has appeared in thirteen languages and as an early Kindle book. It continues to sell briskly just about everywhere.
He published his second non-fiction book, CREATE YOUR BEST LIFE: How to Live Fully Knowing One Day You Will Die, in December 2011.
In September 2012, he published his first novel, SAVIOR: An Old Notion in a New Novel of Unthinkable Absurdity.
Robinson graduated in 1950 from suburban Philadelphia's Haverford High School. He holds a BA degree in philosophy (1954) from Wheaton College near Chicago, and a Masters of Divinity degree (1958), from Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary.
Since 1960,he has lived in the East Bay of Northern California. For 28 years before retiring, he led Oakland's Montclair Presbyterian Church. For several years during that ministry he also served as an adjunct professor at San Francisco Theological Seminary, from which he holds an earned doctorate (1979). Prior to retiring in 1996, he was known widely as a speaker and appeared frequently on Northern California television.
Since 2000, Robinson has lived in Rossmoor, an adult community in Walnut Creek, CA. Barbara, his beloved wife of 54 years died in 2008 (He writes of her dying, and of his almost dying in 2009, in his book, CREATE YOUR BEST LIFE). He has four adult children, nine grandchildren and two, preschool great-grandsons, both of whom are geniuses.
In April 2014, he published A MIDDLE WAY: The Secular/Spiritual Road to Wholeness.
His fifth book, a memoir, STANDING ON MY HEAD ... WITH MY FLY OPEN, was published by Big Hat Press of Lafayette, CA, in November 2015. Robinson was eight when he stood on his head. He hit 83 in January 2016.
Most helpful customer reviews
129 of 135 people found the following review helpful.
A "nice" review!
By Darren Serhol
Wow. OK let me start this out by saying that I really like being nice. I have found that it works to my benefit in many, many occasions. I also think it's better for interpersonal communications and something that we should all practice in order to get along better. I was afraid that by looking at this book I would lose that niceness. That did not happen. However, it did offer me the ability to get what I needed to get and still be considered nice. Just amazing!
With most "self-help" books you wind up having to do months and months of self-evaluation and changing tiny things incrementally and it wind up taking forever to actuate any change. This was not the case with "Too Nice for Your Own Good" by Duke Robinson.
The great thing about this book is that I needed it in a timely fashion and went straight to the third chapter and found an answer to my problem in the 40 minutes it took to read and digest that chapter. Previous to that I spent two nights being unable to sleep and completely upset over my inability to assert myself in a situation that I was in. So I was left with a "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" situation until I read the chapter that I needed. It was absolutely amazing...and here's why: it allowed me to re-form the way I would say something so that I could still be nice and yet accomplish what I needed to do. I frankly was blown away. I had been struggling with how to do what I needed to do without upsetting other people or feeling guilty at the same time and this book told me exactly how to do that.
I guess this review is flawed in that I have not read but two chapters (chapter 3 then the beginning chapter one). However, it absolutely accomplished what I needed it to do in chapter three. I will read the entire book but I was so amazed at the relief that that one chapter brought me that I wanted to immediately review it.
I have bought and studied many books for self-improvement. I always believe that you can improve yourself and am in constant pursuit of that. However, this is the first book that could be considered self-improvement that I was able to put into use immediately. I cannot recommend this book enough. If you are too nice and want to know how to assert yourself better yet still remain nice I could not recommend it better book.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to the author and publishers for this amazing work.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Wanting more
By Scott Stephenson
I really enjoyed this book. It offers unique and valuable perspectives on a variety of issues related to "niceness". I wanted more. The description of the issue with each of the "mistakes" is fascinating and well thought out. The solutions didn't seem quite so thought out. Not bad, just not as good as the descriptions.
235 of 246 people found the following review helpful.
Simply Superb...top of the line...Thank you Duke Robinson!
By E. Lee
I really only have three words for this awesome, life-healing book: OH. MY. GOD.
I never realized until recently how deeply my so-called niceness was hurting me, absolutely draining me. It's as if I've gone through my entire life (until now) thinking solely of others, in order not to be rejected, abandoned, dis-vaildated. I supress my anger, and do all the other mistakes that are mentioned in the book. Needless to say, my stress levels have been over the top, trying so damn hard not to step on someone else's toes! Well, no more. I am done with apologizing for existing on this earth, and Mr. Robinson is giving me the validation and the confidence I need to move forward in the healthiest of ways! I thank you, sir, from the bottom of my heart. You have facilitated a major change in my life, and I am beyond grateful to you. I highly recomend this book, and I do not believe that 5 stars are quite enough to rate it. Read it, and change your life's approach.
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